posted by ![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
esteleth at 11:40pm on 08/07/2010
esteleth at 11:40pm on 08/07/2010This meme has been going around, so I thought I'd jump on it.
Here is a guide for the proper care and feeding ofesteleth
1. How can I tell if you're angry?
This can seem backwards. When I am moderately annoyed or pissed, I get louder and more ranty. However, when I am UTTERLY FURIOUS, I tend to shut down and retreat from society. This is due to my AS. Extreme emotions of most kinds essentially turn off my ability to function in society and I get overwhelmed. Thus, the shutting down and retreating. The easiest and clearest way of telling that I am angry is to ask.
2. How should I behave around you if you're angry?
You can offer agreement that the topic at hand deserves anger and sympathy, as appropriate. You may also attempt to logic me out of it. I actually appreciate this, which actually makes me unusual amongst people (and it took me a while to realize that most people don't want logic holes poked in their OMG RAGE). However, tread carefully in your logic-poking attempts. If your logic involves any or all of the following BACK THE FUCK OFF: pseudoscience, statements that it is "all in [my] head" or that I need to "get over it," misogyny / anti-feminism, homophobia / queerbashing. Also, tread carefully around religion. Also, if I respond to a logic-poke attempt by angrily poking holes in your attempted logic poke, back off on it. I am not looking for a debate, I am looking for an excuse to not be blinded by rage at $TOPIC. Suggestions on how to turn aforementioned rage into a constructive project are also appreciated.
3. How do you want me to behave when you are hurting emotionally? How is it best to comfort you?
Leave me alone. I hermit when hurting. I will emerge when I feel better. This is normal for me. Do not attempt to "draw me out." It not only will not work, it will actually increase the length of time I will need to be able to face society again. Forcing me to be social hurts me. I will have to heal, and I will end up resenting you for it. I carry resentments easily and for a long time. Yes, this is probably a bad thing. It is also a part of me.
HUGE BLINKING ALERT: WHEN I AM ANGRY / HURT / UPSET / HIGHLY EMOTIONAL DO NOT TOUCH ME AT ALL WITHOUT EXPLICIT PRIOR PERMISSION. YES, THIS INCLUDES GIVING ME A HUG OR LAYING A FRIENDLY HAND ON MINE. DO NOT TOUCH THEesteleth . HIGHLY COMBUSTIBLE MATERIAL, MAY CAUSE EXPLOSIONS, SCREAMING, CURSING, AND/OR LOSS OF FRIENDSHIP.
BE PREPARED THAT IF WE HAVE AN EMOTIONAL CONVERSATION AND YOU OFFER A HUG TO SEAL THE PRESERVATION OF A FRIENDSHIP / DEAL / WHAT HAVE YOU I WILL PROBABLY REFUSE. DEAL. NO TOUCHY.
RELATED HUGER BLINKIER ALERT: MY FACE AND NECK ARE OFF-LIMITS. IN GENERAL. UNLESS EXPLICIT PRIOR PERMISSION IS GRANTED. I HAVE ISSUES, GET OVER IT.
/capslock
4. Are there things we should not discuss?
Generally speaking, most things are on the table. However, I approach the world with certain non-negotiable mindsets. Attempting to refute them will piss me off. In no particular order, they are:
1) I am queer. I am not ashamed of this fact. I was born this way. This does not make me sick, broken, or in need of fixing. And no, I do not need "a good dicking." Been there, done that. Ineffectual. Yes, it was consensual, thanks for asking.
2) I have Asperger's syndrom / high-functioning autism. I am not ashamed of this fact. I was born this way. This does not make me sick, broken or in need of fixing. There are aspects of it that suck, true. I must push myself in ways that neurotypical people don't have to think of. My brain works along lines outside of the human norm - but the "human norm" is a bell curve. It is all connected, part of the same continuum. I am off to one side. And yes, I was vaccinated as a kid. That fact is unrelated. Related: the term "neurotypical" denotes someone who cannot be classified as being on the autistic end of the brain functionality spectrum. It is not related to the other spectrums of brain function, such as (but not, of course, limited to) the reality perception spectrum, the personality spectrum(s), the sexual orientation spectrum, the gender identity spectrum, or the depression / mania spectrum. The opposite of "neurotypical" is "autistic" not "having / related to any form of mental function outside the human / societal norm."
3) I am a scientist. I have no tolerance for pseudoscience such including homeopathy, naturopathy, acupuncture, reiki, aromatherapy or chi manipulation. I also have no tolerance for things such as crystal magic (or whatever it is called), harmonic rhythms, or things involving spirits. I am a cold-hearted rationalist. If it cannot be explained by empirical evidence, I do not believe it. I will not bash your beliefs if you posit them to me. Please do not attempt to get me to believe in them. I do have religious beliefs - I am a practicing nontheistic Quaker. I believe in the common morality of my fellow humans. I do not believe in any god.
5. How should I treat you when you are ill?
When I am ill, I will be emotionally drained. Let me be. Offer good thoughts as you will and periodically check in on me if the need is there. But let me heal in peace.
6. What makes you happy that's in my power to grant you?
I like books. I have a lot, but not enough. I also like warm thoughts from people who respect me.
7. How would you like us to recognise your birthday?
*shrug* A card or phone call is fine. A small gift would also be appreciated. Gifts to charities in my name are also nice.
8. Are there any standing categories of presents that would be appropriate or unwelcome?
Don't spend more than you can afford. If you know that I want a certain item, but cannot remember the specifics, get a gift card. I would prefer to get a "impersonal" gift card than an item I didn't want that I have to go to the hassle of returning. I don't like returning things. I feel dishonest when I do so or that I am insulting the vendor and the gift-giver. I have a lot of random crap that was given to me that I felt to awkward to exchange for something I actually would like. I like books and music. I read most kinds of books, so long as they are intelligent. Things that fail BS tests or perpetrate fail are bad ideas unless they are specifically given in a mood to get me to poke fun at them.
9. Are there times of the year that are difficult for you? Please explain if you are comfortable.
There is nothing in particular.
10. Are there important anniversaries in your life?
My birthday is January 20. I will be 26 on my next birthday.
11. How do I cater for you if you are visiting me?
I do not eat seafood. I am sensitive to salty foods, so tread carefully. Please limit your stinky messes. Sometimes, I am on a medically-commanded special diet that is very restrictive. If I am on said diet, I will let you know before I come over. I have a bad back, and need a comfy chair with good ergonomics.
12. If I want to contact you, how should I do it?
I am on Dreamwidth, LiveJournal, Facebook, Twitter, and AIM. I also have a personal and a work email (which I keep sharply segregated: don't send to my work email unless it is actually work-related) and a cell phone. All work.
Here is a guide for the proper care and feeding of
esteleth 1. How can I tell if you're angry?
This can seem backwards. When I am moderately annoyed or pissed, I get louder and more ranty. However, when I am UTTERLY FURIOUS, I tend to shut down and retreat from society. This is due to my AS. Extreme emotions of most kinds essentially turn off my ability to function in society and I get overwhelmed. Thus, the shutting down and retreating. The easiest and clearest way of telling that I am angry is to ask.
2. How should I behave around you if you're angry?
You can offer agreement that the topic at hand deserves anger and sympathy, as appropriate. You may also attempt to logic me out of it. I actually appreciate this, which actually makes me unusual amongst people (and it took me a while to realize that most people don't want logic holes poked in their OMG RAGE). However, tread carefully in your logic-poking attempts. If your logic involves any or all of the following BACK THE FUCK OFF: pseudoscience, statements that it is "all in [my] head" or that I need to "get over it," misogyny / anti-feminism, homophobia / queerbashing. Also, tread carefully around religion. Also, if I respond to a logic-poke attempt by angrily poking holes in your attempted logic poke, back off on it. I am not looking for a debate, I am looking for an excuse to not be blinded by rage at $TOPIC. Suggestions on how to turn aforementioned rage into a constructive project are also appreciated.
3. How do you want me to behave when you are hurting emotionally? How is it best to comfort you?
Leave me alone. I hermit when hurting. I will emerge when I feel better. This is normal for me. Do not attempt to "draw me out." It not only will not work, it will actually increase the length of time I will need to be able to face society again. Forcing me to be social hurts me. I will have to heal, and I will end up resenting you for it. I carry resentments easily and for a long time. Yes, this is probably a bad thing. It is also a part of me.
HUGE BLINKING ALERT: WHEN I AM ANGRY / HURT / UPSET / HIGHLY EMOTIONAL DO NOT TOUCH ME AT ALL WITHOUT EXPLICIT PRIOR PERMISSION. YES, THIS INCLUDES GIVING ME A HUG OR LAYING A FRIENDLY HAND ON MINE. DO NOT TOUCH THE
esteleth . HIGHLY COMBUSTIBLE MATERIAL, MAY CAUSE EXPLOSIONS, SCREAMING, CURSING, AND/OR LOSS OF FRIENDSHIP. BE PREPARED THAT IF WE HAVE AN EMOTIONAL CONVERSATION AND YOU OFFER A HUG TO SEAL THE PRESERVATION OF A FRIENDSHIP / DEAL / WHAT HAVE YOU I WILL PROBABLY REFUSE. DEAL. NO TOUCHY.
RELATED HUGER BLINKIER ALERT: MY FACE AND NECK ARE OFF-LIMITS. IN GENERAL. UNLESS EXPLICIT PRIOR PERMISSION IS GRANTED. I HAVE ISSUES, GET OVER IT.
/capslock
4. Are there things we should not discuss?
Generally speaking, most things are on the table. However, I approach the world with certain non-negotiable mindsets. Attempting to refute them will piss me off. In no particular order, they are:
1) I am queer. I am not ashamed of this fact. I was born this way. This does not make me sick, broken, or in need of fixing. And no, I do not need "a good dicking." Been there, done that. Ineffectual. Yes, it was consensual, thanks for asking.
2) I have Asperger's syndrom / high-functioning autism. I am not ashamed of this fact. I was born this way. This does not make me sick, broken or in need of fixing. There are aspects of it that suck, true. I must push myself in ways that neurotypical people don't have to think of. My brain works along lines outside of the human norm - but the "human norm" is a bell curve. It is all connected, part of the same continuum. I am off to one side. And yes, I was vaccinated as a kid. That fact is unrelated. Related: the term "neurotypical" denotes someone who cannot be classified as being on the autistic end of the brain functionality spectrum. It is not related to the other spectrums of brain function, such as (but not, of course, limited to) the reality perception spectrum, the personality spectrum(s), the sexual orientation spectrum, the gender identity spectrum, or the depression / mania spectrum. The opposite of "neurotypical" is "autistic" not "having / related to any form of mental function outside the human / societal norm."
3) I am a scientist. I have no tolerance for pseudoscience such including homeopathy, naturopathy, acupuncture, reiki, aromatherapy or chi manipulation. I also have no tolerance for things such as crystal magic (or whatever it is called), harmonic rhythms, or things involving spirits. I am a cold-hearted rationalist. If it cannot be explained by empirical evidence, I do not believe it. I will not bash your beliefs if you posit them to me. Please do not attempt to get me to believe in them. I do have religious beliefs - I am a practicing nontheistic Quaker. I believe in the common morality of my fellow humans. I do not believe in any god.
5. How should I treat you when you are ill?
When I am ill, I will be emotionally drained. Let me be. Offer good thoughts as you will and periodically check in on me if the need is there. But let me heal in peace.
6. What makes you happy that's in my power to grant you?
I like books. I have a lot, but not enough. I also like warm thoughts from people who respect me.
7. How would you like us to recognise your birthday?
*shrug* A card or phone call is fine. A small gift would also be appreciated. Gifts to charities in my name are also nice.
8. Are there any standing categories of presents that would be appropriate or unwelcome?
Don't spend more than you can afford. If you know that I want a certain item, but cannot remember the specifics, get a gift card. I would prefer to get a "impersonal" gift card than an item I didn't want that I have to go to the hassle of returning. I don't like returning things. I feel dishonest when I do so or that I am insulting the vendor and the gift-giver. I have a lot of random crap that was given to me that I felt to awkward to exchange for something I actually would like. I like books and music. I read most kinds of books, so long as they are intelligent. Things that fail BS tests or perpetrate fail are bad ideas unless they are specifically given in a mood to get me to poke fun at them.
9. Are there times of the year that are difficult for you? Please explain if you are comfortable.
There is nothing in particular.
10. Are there important anniversaries in your life?
My birthday is January 20. I will be 26 on my next birthday.
11. How do I cater for you if you are visiting me?
I do not eat seafood. I am sensitive to salty foods, so tread carefully. Please limit your stinky messes. Sometimes, I am on a medically-commanded special diet that is very restrictive. If I am on said diet, I will let you know before I come over. I have a bad back, and need a comfy chair with good ergonomics.
12. If I want to contact you, how should I do it?
I am on Dreamwidth, LiveJournal, Facebook, Twitter, and AIM. I also have a personal and a work email (which I keep sharply segregated: don't send to my work email unless it is actually work-related) and a cell phone. All work.
cheerful
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